Gonzo Journalism

Like 11 million other Americans, helmet-haired amnesiac, Alberto Gonzales is looking for a job.

But he has a little situation, see, that makes it much more difficult -- the economy, being one... oh and "ongoing investigations" being another.

It takes a very special man to be able to release loose stools all over the Constitution on command, and the fact that he is neither recognized nor appreciated for this bit of virtuosity, frustrates him. The disgraced, former Attorney General of the United States is really just a tender-hearted, war casualty.

In a range of interviews for his I Need A Job Tour, kicked-off with NPR's Michelle Martin, Gonzales dismisses the torture thing, the firing thing, and the warrantless wiretapping thing, as totally blown out of proportion. On Tuesday, he told CNN's Campbell Brown: "we did a tremendous job... and so many people are focused on the little negatives that occurred."

The plan hatched by Gonzo and Turd Blossom that lead to the politically-motivated firing of nine U.S. attorneys? Nonsense. They sucked at their jobs. The visit to pressure his predecessor, Songbird Ashcroft, into reauthorizing the domestic surveillance program -- while Ashcroft lay on a hospital bed, seriously ill after emergency gall bladder surgery? Waaay overblown. Contrary to first-hand accounts, the man was totally fine!

And so on.

All he's looking for is some high-paid, do-nothing consultant position in the private sector as thanks for years of unimpeachable service. And why not? So many cronies before him fell upwards. But now, thanks to the economy, he has to go on the teevee and shill for himself. Where's the dignity in that?

[TPM]